omigod it's 3:18 and i'm soooo wide awake like not even remotely tired. ugh. and i'm talking to jory online. and i talked to derek earlier and he said he'd leave my name at the door for the show tomorrow, but shitttttt i dunno if i want to deal with that. could just chill with mom and dad here, or have some mad ddr with bella. but i *would* kinda like to go out, get all dressed up, dance around. eww, but not if i have to pretend to be interested in this guy, who's actually been very nice, and calls when he says he will, and wants to take me ice skating. and plays piano with a hot band.

meh.

i wish i could just chill out a bit. i need to practice a LOT and i know it so i avoid it. i loathe the prospect of jumping back into my whole intense practice routine, but i also miss it like mad. also i've been having so much fun just foolin around on guitar and piano, i wanna keep doin that.

my new year's resolution- and i'm only making one cause i think they're bullshit- is to take myself less seriously, and really just to laugh a lot more, especially at myself. cause really (just to make a big sweeping meaningless kind of statement) life is insane. it makes little or no sense, trying to make sense of it is insane, and a lot of the insanity is a not nice kind. but still, i think you kinda have to make the best of it, and be able to laugh about it. or smile.

obviously i should not be up this late, and i should certainly not be writing. thank you and goodnight.

  posted by meg @ 3:12 AM

 
home is fun. sometimes. not always. but like right now for instance, it just feels really nice and safe and comfortable and happy.

haven't touched my harp in quite some time. s'ok tho i think, cuz i've been playin piano a bunch, and now i love patty griffin and i'm figurin out her songs on guitar and i want to be a rockstar! or maybe just play guitar in my room. i could go either way really.

andddd other stuff. like i need to accept the fact that some boys just don't call, even tho they should. and other boys do, which is nice, and almost makes up for the lame-ass boy. almost.

  posted by meg @ 10:25 AM

 
shawn's been a little down lately, so instead of the original party plan i got a little xmas tree and we strung popcorns and cranberries to decorate it. just me, shawn, and mark, with hot chocolate and khalua, and a lil vince guaraldi in the background. it was perfect. then ven came over, and i left. and was sad.

its ok tho yo, 'cause ee cummings is stunning, and so was moon tonight. and i even like this chick best seller author i'm reading, check it out: "to Estha... the fact that something so fragile, so unbearably tender had survived, had been allowed to exist, was a miracle. It made him smile out loud."

:)

  posted by meg @ 2:38 AM

 
lovely day.

end of aural skills, ripped my pants in ling, bass recital, college night fun, bruckner 7, ice skating.

so shawn and ven are good together. she's pretty and stable and i'm sure has a million wonderful qualities that i don't know about. they've probably shared a million moments that i can't even touch. and anyway, he's a smart guy, knows better than to stay with a girl just because. i saw it tonight, i saw them together. they're really good for each other.

bullshit.

bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit bullshit BULLSHIT.

he's such a FOOL why is he with this girl who doesn't deserve him? that doesn't support him and believe in him, delight in him?


  posted by meg @ 12:55 AM