evan just came over. celebrating a wonderful orchestra concert and his winning the hso audition.

i promised mom he has no claims on my heart. it's true i think. it's more just that i have a soft spot for him. i like being with him. i was honest with him sort of by accident, but it was good. we can still talk.

ah me, how oddly these things work out. but they always do, i guess.



  posted by meg @ 2:07 AM

 
such a nice weekend. acl festival kicked ass, mom and dad and shay were great, nuiko is a doll, jory is bland but sweet.

now back to the daily rigamarole but even that has it's moments. lunch with joyce, chatting with nunu, and lots of quality time with my harp.

some history test prep with the boys. i'm totally for sure over evan... unless he's within 20 ft of me. then it's hopeless all over again.

damn.

  posted by meg @ 12:16 AM

 
i walk around and am profoundly unhappy. and already that's wrong because i'm so lucky i have no right to be unhappy. that doesn't work tho.

i can't stop crying. i feel nauseous all day long.

i have so much going on- wonderful, fun, interesting stuff- so i go, i do it, with a smile even, but in the moments in between i fall apart. it feels like everything is wrong, is crazy wrong, and even if i knew how to fix it i don't have time. on to the next.

i think i need help.

  posted by meg @ 5:31 PM

 
i just want to curl up in a ball and die.

not deal with anything. not think about anything. not feel anything.

  posted by meg @ 5:26 PM

 
sooo i don't know what's going on. as usual i guess.

nice being back at school, on campus, all that jazz. love seeing joyce and aisha more, and my other roomies are sweet as can be. my new harp is beautiful, and when i actually manage to sit still and practice, i'm pretty much as happy as i've ever been.

and then these boys. evan i actually feel ok about , like that whole mess is finally over and we can just be friends. date with jb was disappointing tho, as much as i tried not to have expectations. he's just not the kind of boy i want anymore. of course the one i want seems not so interested. but at least he doesn't have gf. that's progress, right?



  posted by meg @ 1:05 AM