dear mr.dagger-through-my-heart,

listen. i MISS you. like hell, i miss you. and it's not that i'm some crazy girl with a crush, it's that you have been my best friend for the last few months. yes i know that you think i have a lot of best friends, which is true to some extent, but you also have a least some awareness of the fact that i regularly ditch them in favor of you. which means that if you cared to think about it you would know that you mean a lot to me. talking to you, spending time with you, being affectionate with you- i'm used that all that. and now it's gone. for me, at least. and yeah it's summer and people lose touch and thats cool, but its different with us because i know that every part for me in your life is now being filled by someone else, plus some. so you don't need me, so you don't care about me.

maybe thats not entirely true, but can you understand why i feel that way? like you're only here for me when it's convenient? and how it scares me how much i still care about you, and that once summer's over and she's gone i'll fall right back into dropping everything for you? and i shouldn't, and it's my own fault, but i WANT to, because i love being with you. and i don't care what all my friends say, i do want to look out for myself, but i defend you, to myself mostly, because i know you're not trying to hurt me. but maybe you need to try harder to not hurt me. cause i'm hurting. and it sucks.

love, megan

(wed, may 21)

  posted by meg @ 10:51 AM