so how much do i love being home. a lot. like there is the initial freak out adjustment period when i'm like where the hell am i, what the fuck is going on, etc, but now i'm just like, i love austin, i love being at home, i LOVE seeing elizabeth, and shay, and ez, i love the mall, spiderhouse, fucking driving on i35 with my windows down belting out backstreet boys at the top of my lungs like a FOOL. its good shit, lemme tell ya.

so basically i've just been chillin, not thinking about my envi final or my recital. went to spider last night with elizabeth and it was just like old times, better even. we were both just sitting there like, omigod, i love spending time with you. AND, so crazy, we saw deana and val, and val was like, you should totally call paul. so i debated but ended up going over to his place after spider. i was so freakin nervous walking up, it was ridiculous, and it was so weird to be back there. so we talked for like 3 hours. it was amazing. i was totally comfortable, we talked about nothing and everything, just like we used to. and its so nice that all that shit that happened is over and done with, in the past. time heals all. anyhoo, we're totally getting together again before we leave for the summer.

i dunno. i'm just gonna enjoy this break, go back up and tie up all the loose ends, including my final, recital, moving all my shit to sandy's. also this dave thing, i'm kinda thinkin about it a lot. what a surprise. i guess we'll see what happens, like i don't really feel overly invested in it, whatever happens is fine kind of a thing, but i do hope i see him before i leave. its kinda funny, switching so quickly from one bassist to another. fickle as ever. :)

  posted by meg @ 5:02 PM

 
forgot to mention...

i've decided to declare my undying love and affection for a certain unnamed bassist before the end of the semester. results will be posted. :)

  posted by meg @ 12:43 AM

 
my life is ridiculous.

i have so much work to do getting ready for finals, i really need to get started, but i keep getting distracted. and it's so not my fault, i just end up in these situations and i'm like, well, shit. on sunday, catherine and i had such a great time with the competition and dinner. we talked about all this crazy shepherd shit that i seriously had NO IDEA about but its so fucking cool, these musis are INSANE. and more and more i feel like an actual part of shepherd instead of like this outsider who kind of isn't as good as everyone else and doesn't really belong.

so. tonight was this recital at U of H, and catherine was like, omigod, megan, this is gonna suck ass, let's just get drunk beforehand. so we end up drinking beer out of bottles of tea during the recital. i swear, i almost lost it a couple times, i was about to burst out laughing. the recital was ok.

so then there's this party at laurie's with all these houston symphony musicians, so we go and ms page, who is oh so proud of me for winning, is like, ok megan, you can have beer, you deserve it. and then she was like, actually girls, i had a couple myself already. i couldn't have made it through the recital otherwise.

so yeah, she then procedes to gossip about random people's sexuality, give catherine advice with her love life, that kind of thing. basically, she's amazing, i love her. she's totally got our respect and the whole serious side of the student/teacher relationship, but at the same time she can let loose and relax with us, let us see the rest of her. and paula seriously has got it together in every way a person can. she's just so completely in control.

meanwhile, i really need to get ready for finals, but at the same time i'm trying to make the most of my last week here, spend time with my friends, etc. plus chamber orch and orch, concerts thursday and friday. shit, i need to stop writing and get to work.

  posted by meg @ 12:10 AM

 
its 2 in the morning, and i am 19.

honestly, i wasn't exactly looking forward to this. getting older that is. but actually, i was just layin in bed and i'm just happy. like, yay, its my birthday. and i don't expect anything, there's nothing really that i want, i'm just gonna have a nice day, look pretty. practicing tomorrow morning, then brunch with judith, more practice/hw, harp recital at 4, dinner with my best friends at mi luna (tapas bar), percussion recital at 8, more practice.

i'm even looking forward to the recital tuesday. i really like my music, but also, all my friends have been performing and everyone is so encouraging, i want to be a part of it all. and i feel like i am. :)

did i mention that i'm 19??

  posted by meg @ 1:43 AM

 
so basically i'm pissed. i worked all weekend and got through 2 tests, orch and chamber orchestra yesterday, so i thought i could finally relax a little. wore my supercute, borderline hoochie abercrombie skirt, but i STILL had a shitty day. and its not over yet.

a lot of it was that i slept in, which i thought would be good for me, but it meant i didn't start practicing until after envi at 3:00 and i sounded like shit, like seriously awful. and i've felt pretty good about my playing lately, but hell, we're back to crying in the practice room.

so then jude is in a pissy mood, which actually has been the case for the last few days and i'm like, fine you're totally allowed to not be like, suzy sunshine or whatever all the time. but i dunno, its more than that. she's being all self absorbed and just rude about everything. and today i was just like, wow, i don't even want to be around you when you're like this. uh buh bye.

right. so to continue with the bitching and moaning. i feel like all i ever do is work. i'm working so hard all the time and it's all i can think about and i feel like i'm just barely managing everything, like no matter how hard i work there's always something else. i went to bed last night at 2 after working all day and i couldn't fall asleep because i kept thinking there was something else i should be doing. it's not healthy! or at least, it's not an enjoyable way to live your life.

best for last. boys SUCK. the boy that i want, i want only him, no one else, and no matter how much i try to convince myself, i am not over him, kinda doubt i'll ever be when he can smile at me after days of not seeing each other and send my heart all aflutter, make my day, hell, my WEEK. it's simply ridiculous, and even now, writing about him, thinking about him, i'm smiling, even though it's miserable i tell you, just miserable! :) unrequited love is a bitch.

meanwhile, these other boys keep pursuing and i just don't know how to handle it. the nice thing to do would be to send them on their merry way, but that's actually a lot harder than it might seem. i guess i'm not a very nice girl.

and i'm trying to play the cd shay sent me (i love it bella!!) but alexis is singing along. fuckin a.

i'll be ok.

  posted by meg @ 6:52 PM

 
so i've been in like hyper work mode all week, and today it felt like everything was crashing down at once. i have so much work to do, and this whole all work no play things sucks ass. after classes, i was frantically trying to learn the ensemble music for the rehearsal sunday, which was so conveniently scheduled for the night before my not one but two huge tests monday morning. so then paula comes in, rehearsal's canceled, i can wait to learn the ensemble music and focus on the piles of gig music for tomorrow. still a lot to do, but its somewhat managable now.

so yeah, then in orch shosty 5, and larry ratcliffe told me it was nice to have me there and i was doing a great job. *this is megan floating on air*

right, so THEN i was like, ok megan, you can breathe, and just chilled with judith, went to droubis for pita and hummus (yum), then did some decent work at shepherd. i was actually there all day today, from 9 am to midnight, except for the droubis run. craziness. actually it just makes me feel like all hard core and shit, like a real musi. :)

so then i went to jones with jude to do hw, but there was a floor party, so i alternated between the two, and actually had a nice talk with cyrus, and lots of those big cute boys were all flirty-like, which doesn't really interest me in anymore, thank GOD, but is still kinda fun, ya know?

so then back to wiess at like 3, and chaz stops me and is like, Meg! come drink with me! and i was like no, i have to work (such a good girl), went and read Jonathan safran Foer, to whom i will shortly be proposing marriage. anyhoo. went back down to get a drink and chaz stopped me AGAIN, and was all like, i miss you, we never see you, and i told him how i've been working and he was like, no, i totally respect that, you gotta do the work to be able to party. but once you get your shit done you gotta come hang with us, you're my girl, and so on. i dunno, it was just sweet, and like, its nice to feel missed. i've barely been at wiess at all, but i do miss hanging out with my wiess boys sometimes. its nice to know they miss me too. and honestly, i feel like i CAN focus and do my work, do it well, and then have play time. its all about balance, actually earning the party time. i'm getting closer every day.

  posted by meg @ 5:51 AM