i want to wake up each morning with a smile on my face. i want to spend time alone and not be afraid that i won't enjoy the company. i want to be generous and kind. i want to be aware of the gifts that have been given to me, and to do right by those who have afforded me these oppurtunities. i want to do right by myself, and not to accept less than my best in anything i do. i want to work not because i have to but for it's own sake. i want to look forward to my classes and to practicing, to remember that i love to learn and i love music. i want to have strong faith. i want to form my own opinions and to be steadfast in my beliefs. i want to balance school, harp, friends, family, religion, health, and still have time to read the new yorker and play guitar. and i want a cabrio.

  posted by meg @ 6:18 PM

 
today i found out that a guy i knew from home died. its so strange, i can't stop thinking about. i remember playing with him when we were little, and now this, looking back and knowing that he had so little time... i feel numb, cold, afraid. i can picture his life as being just like mine, a happy college kid just getting a taste for life, occupied with studying and partying, all the trivial daily bullshit. i wonder if he was in love. if he had regrets. if maybe he could sense it, deep down. we make these plans to reassure ourselves that we'll be here to carry them out but really we're just trying to deny our own mortality. we forget how fragile life really is.

  posted by meg @ 5:56 AM

 
"i am learning who i am... one day i will be on my way to becoming the person i want to be."


  posted by meg @ 3:51 AM

 
so these are just thoughts here, just whatever comes to mind when i have time to write and am so inclined. but this is not representative of me, these few entries, and even between my head and my fingers the original thoughts are lost and i end up writing random other stuff. could be i'm not very good at articulating what i'm feeling. reserve the jugements, tho, please. one of the few things i've noticed is that people are generally not easily catorgorized. we're all pretty complex. you shouldn't ever presume to understand someone, you've got to give people a chance.

  posted by meg @ 3:33 AM